apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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