NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
