His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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