Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
