oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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