So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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