i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
