Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
