Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Will exercising make me less horny?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
