I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
