i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
