We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
