yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
