Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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