Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
