Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
