I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
