A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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