We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
