Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
