I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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