God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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