so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
