there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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