Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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