yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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