pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
