I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you never un-have a 4some
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
