Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
