yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
