It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
