I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
