wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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