I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
