You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
