Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
