Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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