i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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