I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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