I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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