this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
