My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
