Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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