Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
