I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
