Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
