my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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