franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
