Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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