it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
