Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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