Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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