im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I could fuck to npr.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
