hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
