You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The Olympian is in my bed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize