Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
