im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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