somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
