I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
