I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
