sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
