I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
