I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
last night I used snow as a chaser
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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