There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
