someone owes me an orgasm
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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