woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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