i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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