My girlfriend figured out who you are.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
