dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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