Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
