its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
