How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
