The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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