4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize