The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
