TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
