just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
