Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
