This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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