if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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