Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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