can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
