But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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