Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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