omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
