toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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