There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
