walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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