youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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