if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
