I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
