Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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