I didn't shave. On purpose
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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