Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
