You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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