im having a threesome with these popsicles
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
