that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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