Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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