Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
