If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
